I don't want to go back to work! I'm 6 weeks into my maternity leave (my company provides 12 weeks of FMLA) and I want to figure out how to be at home with my babies.
I have enjoyed the time at home: being the main caretaker for my boys, making meals, cooking dinners, doing household work (okay..not so much the last one...with the exception of laundry, ha ha), and doing lots of things of things with my boys without feeling guilty (going to the park, playdates, over to my parents' houses)! I have hardly thought about work, and I don't feel bad.
So...how do we get there? How do I quit my job, cutting our income in half, and give up our free benefits?
Don't get me wrong...I enjoy my job ~ I have a flexible schedule, and can work from home part of the time. But....I am always left feeling guilty. Guilty because I am working and not engaging my kids 100%. Guilty because I'm not working as much as I could. Guilty because I'm not caring for my boys all of the time. Guilty because I enjoy getting out of the house and keeping my foot in the door of my career.
And we have an ideal child care situation: family. My parents take a day, my in-laws take a day, and my SIL was taking the other 2 days (work from home one day). Except...my SIL is now moving out of state. In 30 days. And I can't ask our parents to step in to take another day of the week each, well, because...they have lives too! So....we will be seeking the care of a stranger for our boys, in a month or so. I am researching websites such as:
www.sitters.com and www.sittercity.com and www.nannies4hire.com . I am also seeking out leads of people we sort-of-know-but-not-really-well who might be looking for work. But not willingly. Not without my heart breaking. Not by choice.
And Tim is interviewing for a new position. That might be more money. That might allow all of this to happen without hesitation. But I'm trying not to think about it. I don't want to get my hopes up, bank on it, and then have it all fall through. Cause that would be the way of it with his work...
So, now what? Where do we go from here?
I guess to check my e-mail to see if I got any hits on my job postings at said websites....and to hope that something will fall in to my lap, you know, like a winning lottery ticket.
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4 comments:
I remember making this tough decision. It wasn't easy. But I guess we got to the point where I was more afraid of what going back to work meant for our family than what quitting it meant.
I posted a LOOOOONG response to your question today on my blog.
Good luck!!!
Beth ~ Whatever you do I know you will make the right decision for your family. I know it is a difficult one.
Thank you for encouraging me today. ; )
After having our 2nd, I was just too completely overwhelmed with work and being mommy, too. I worked the year he was born but then when I was pregnant with our 3rd, we made the decision for me to stop working. It was one of the best decisions we ever made. My husband happened to get a couple promotions around the same time, so that helped a lot. Also, I started clipping coupons and we set a VERY specific budget. It's all about making what you have fit into what you need. Decide what you can live without. I watched a friend's child a couple days a week in the beginning, too, for a little extra cash while we adjusted but now it's just me and my kiddos!
Also, noticed you cloth diaper - I do, too!
ps stumbled upon your blog from another :)
I hope you find your path. I know it is a tough move to head back to work when you don't want to. I've done it before. This time around we decided to extend my maternity leave to a full year at the least. We've tightened our belts considerably, and we are using a small portion of our savings to get by, but it is our best choice for our family, we feel. I do a lot of craig's list shopping (it's amazing the deals you can get) and don't have many extras, but I honestly don't miss the money or the luxury of having a second salary.
I hope you find peace with your decision and a decision that brings you peace.
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