41 weeks, per my OB.
40w 3d, per my own calculations.
It's hard to describe the place where I'm at right now. My head is cloudy; I have all these thoughts and feelings swirling about. Most of them are irrational, linked to my current world of unknowns and fears.
I'm officially on maternity leave ~ but I feel like it's not the right decision for me currently. I feel like I should "save" my time for when the baby comes (I get 12 weeks off total ~ but I'm undecided just how much time off I will take) instead of.....doing housework and chores and....waiting.
I am not having significant contractions. I then wonder if I'm making progress? What will the plan be come my appointment tomorrow? Is my body not doing what it's supposed to for some unknown reason?
I don't feel the baby move all that much at times. My mind goes to some deep, dark places of all the things that "could happen" in all the time we're....waiting. Again, somewhat irrational, but the thoughts are still present. Other times, the baby is incredibly active. I know there's not much room in there to do a lot, and I know that slowed fetal movement at the end is pretty normal.
I want to get out to pass the time more quickly, but I'm exhausted at the mere thought of packing bags, getting shoes and coats on, loading, unloading, and oh then there's the whole "being around other people thing" ~ facing family/friends who have the best of intentions, but are just as anxious (if not moreso?!) as we are wondering about when...that added to the fact that it's not fair to the boys to just sit around with a cloudy-headed Mama who isn't engaging them the way they deserve to be. I am the queen of negative self-talk. Ugh.
It's raining and cold and gloomy. It adds to the clouds in my head, my overall demeanor, and my not wanting to get the boys out 'n about. Seriously? Tell me just to suck it up and do it already!!! =) Sometimes, I am my own worst enemy.
So we wait. Patiently, or me? Not so much.
Hopefully back with some news, and soon.
Beth
I am Wife to one and Mama to four. I married the only boy I ever loved, and was given four more that make my heart burst every single day. I love doing laundry, attempting to live frugally, and figuring out how to help my boys expend their boundless energy. And I'm still trying to figure out exactly how to respond to, "Wow, you have your hands full!"
My Main Man
Tim & I have known each other since we were in high school (and yet, he married me anyway!). He's smart, loves books, and always has me laughing. He is my best friend, and the most amazing father to our sons. Cliche, but true: he is my other, better half, and I thank God for him every single day!
Number One
Jacob made me a Mama in June of '06. At 5, he is the oldest of our crew of blue. He loves trains, swimming, reading books, and going on adventures.
Number Two
Following his big brother by 18 months, Wyatt is our Christmas Eve babe. He is full of spunk, the Middle Child, and all boy. He loves sweets, horses, and making a mess.
Number Three
Every bit a surprise, but loved with every fiber of my being, Nathaniel joined our family in September of '09. He is our little spit-fire, and has more energy than than our oldest two combined. Nate is a Mama's boy, has quick hands, loves playing ball and climbing on everything, and trying to keep up with his brothers. Most days he succeeds! We often wonder just what he will be "teaching" in his new role: Big Brother!
Number Four
Everett is our youngest, born at 41.2 weeks in March '11 . He was the biggest of our guys at birth: 9 lbs, 2 oz and 22 inches. He is easy-going, cuddly, and sweet-smelling. He loves to eat Cheerios, be outside, and be held by Mama. He is already being tested as The Baby by his Big Brothers ~ and he certainly can hold his own. It is hard to believe that his presence makes us a family of six!
1 comment:
The waiting is the hardest part says Tom petty. I felt the same way with Eve because my presence at my own brothers wedding hinged on her timing. All of my family and friends barraged me with anxious questioning constantly. My midwife encouraged me. She said this was testing my faith in my body, and in the natural order of things. All normal for pregnancy, but what was I to do with such a test of faith? I submitted to the waiting and about 24 hours later I went into labor. Not to say you haven't submitted to waiting, but I just want to tell you I can empathize with where you are and encourage you that the end is very near. The waiting really is the hardest part.
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